Kyoshiro and the Eternal Torment of Souls
by Recalled to Life
Summary: Random parody of the series. Please don't kill me...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: Okay, if this pisses anyone off (it probably will) I apologize. It's been awhile since I've seen this anime, so I don't remember all the details, but still insist on writing this and saving my very limited YouTube/Veoh time for watching Higurashi episodes and replaying the Tyki AMV for "Skullcrusher Mountain" about twenty times… It's such a fun song, though… Anyhoo, be prepared for stupidity. Thank you for reading this if you actually read it. If you didn't read it, why the hell did I write it? Shutting up now…

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

**Warnings**: Like I said, be prepared for stupidity. OOC-ness, sexual references, the miracle that is yuri, mild language, BS-ed epic battle scenes, and the possibility that I'll never actually finish this (I'd like to finish it, though, and fully intend to).

* * *

Ten years ago, there were three days known as the Days of Burning Snow. It was a mystery known only to a select few why they were called the Days of Burning Snow, as it did not snow and no one was actually burned. During these days, many died of unspecified causes, but obviously not from scalding or freezing. The world was nearly destroyed, but for reasons incomprehensible to mere mortals, it wasn't.

Amid the chaos of the days that neither snowed nor burned, a little girl randomly appeared in the middle of a field in Japan. No one thought it was important enough to question who her parents were, or why she had no memories of the first six years of her life, or how she came by a name, if she had neither parents nor memories, or if she had actually appeared in this field at all instead of just wandering there away from her parents, who did in fact exist. Not even the girl herself considered these questions as she grew up in Academia, a city composed entirely of high school students and their teachers, who were off-screen more often or not. This girl, named Kuu Shiatori, once had a somehow troubling thought, although she quickly dismissed it as nonsense and forgot it:

"Maybe we should work on coming up with a better backstory…"

* * *

**A/N**: I'll write more next time… And it will be better!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Back for more! This should be better than last time.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora or MeruPuri (I've only read the first volume, though, then got bored with it) or the epicness that is Kannazuki no Miko.

* * *

"The School Festival is in just a few days!" the sixteen-year-old Kuu Shiatori exclaimed to her friend Kozue as they rode the bus to school.

"I know!" Kozue enthused. "And whoever you dance with during the last dance of the School Festival will be your companion _forever_! Think about it! We can defy the incredibly low odds of marrying your high school sweetheart and having it work out! And no getting knocked up involved!"

"I think I'll ask that guy over there!" Kuu pointed at a random background character. "I'll confess my newfound love for him, and I'll conquer my shyness and low self-esteem, and we'll both live happily ever after, and go to college together, and get married, and have 2.5 perfect children, and grow old together, and die peacefully on the same night in the same bed in our home, and I'll stop having those fantasies about the smexy, pink-haired prince!"

"Three things." Kozue held up the corresponding number of fingers. "First, no one needed to know about that last part. Second, what you just described sounds like a really boring anime. Not enough conflict, you know? Even MeruPuri had the one older brother guy… And third, that random background character already has a girlfriend. Sorry…" Kozue gestured to the two background characters making out.

Kuu let loose a defeated sigh. "Well, I'll always have oji-sama…"

"And you'll always have me." Kozue glomped her friend. "If you can't find a man, I'll dance with you at the festival, if not to prevent you from telling me about your sick daydreams, then to help satisfy all the yuri fans who are only watching this because they thought they saw Himeko and Chikane in the opening credits!"

"Wow, Kozue, I'm lucky to have such a great friend!" Kuu returned her friend's embrace in a moment of yuri-ish fan service. "But wait… Who are Himeko and Chikane? And what opening credits are you talking about?"

"…Never mind, Kuu, don't worry about it…"

But Kuu's mind was already elsewhere. "Oh, yes, oji-sama! I'll go together with you! Anywhere! To the ends of the earth, my prince!"

"I would leave her here if I didn't think she'd get herself killed," Kozue sighed and remained silent for the rest of the ride.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: It just isn't a party until someone gets wrapped in tin foil.

**Disclaimer**: Consider it disclaimed.

* * *

Kuu was deeply involved in her imagined throes of passion as Kozue and some other girls discussed the mysterious, unnerving disappearance of several of their classmates.

"I think it's a ghost," one girl whispered.

"I think it's a vampire," another admitted.

"I think it's a scary catgirl who's stealing life force from the students by kissing them," a third girl gasped.

"That's ridiculous!" Kozue and the other girls laughed.

"Well, whatever it is," a girl sighed, "Hopefully they'll send the police in soon."

"Or better yet," Kozue got a faraway look in her eye. "The Morality Enforcement Squad!" She let loose a high-pitched fangirl scream, "Led by Jin Oogami!"

"But the Morality Enforcement Squad is just a bunch of teenagers…" another girl pointed out.

"So?" Kozue huffed. "Jin is such a sexy beast that it doesn't matter."

"Together!" Kuu sang. "Together! Let's go together!"

Just as he happened to be mentioned, Jin, the Souma lookalike (although Jin was more widely well-liked, because he didn't screw all the good yuri), trudged into the room.

"Uh… hey, everyone," he held up a hand awkwardly. "Jin Oogami here…"

"JIN-SAMA!!!" Kozue squealed. "It's Jin-sama, it's really Jin-sama! He's here!!!!!!!!"

"Uh… yeah…" Jin coughed. "I am here. Anyhoo, the Morality Enforcement Squad is looking for the missing students and one of my classmates from Bishounen Academy is transferring to this class to help us out…"

"Bishie Academy!" a random girl in the back screamed in anticipation.

"Uh, yeah, that's what I said…" Jin's voice trailed off. "So, yeah, here's Kyoshiro Ayanokoji." He was immediately shoved out of the room by Kyoshiro, much to Kozue's disappointment.

"Oh, yes, more my prince!" Kuu giggled. "Don't stop now, oji-sama!" Kuu returned to reality just long enough to catch a glimpse of the new student. She gasped.

The pinkish hair, the yellow eyes, the tallness, Kuu noticed every minute similarity between Kyoshiro and the prince of her daydreams.

"Oji-sama?" Kuu whispered, never mind that the two men only vaguely resembled each other.

Kyoshiro looked directly at Kuu and said, "Let's go… together."

Kuu spent the rest of the class passed out at her desk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**: Time for Kyoshiro and Setsuna to be really OOC…

**Disclaimer**

* * *

Before the teacher even had a chance to enter his classroom, it was time for lunch. Kuu sat under a tree and ate with a few friends… or at least she thought they were friends. It was hard to tell with random background characters.

A beautiful melody reached Kuu's ears. She allowed herself to be carried away by the music of a violin.

Because, you know, Kyoshiro _always_ carried a violin around, it's just that nobody noticed before.

Kuu joined the crowd of faceless fangirls, moving closer and closer to Kyoshiro. Her prince, slightly modified, stood right before her. She barely noticed as he stopped playing, muttered "Let's go together," reached forward…

And unbuttoned her shirt.

"Boobies…" Kyoshiro muttered, as if he hadn't expected that outcome.

Kuu looked down at her chest, too distracted by the lack of covering to notice the glowing mark over her heart. Tears welled in her eyes as she turned her back on the bishie and ran.

"She has boobies…" Kyoshiro observed as she left.

* * *

Kuu had difficulty running while she cried her eyes out. She kept crashing into walls and doors and people. The people were all a bit stunned, being knocked to the side by a teenage girl with her bra exposed. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional scars. How could her beloved oji-sama have done such a thing?

"Kyoshiro, that moron… I really don't know why I bother with him. What is he thinking? And why does that jerk have to be the title character? Ugh!"

Kuu stopped running. She could have sworn that she heard something. A voice? That would be crazy! Then she looked up.

A beautiful blonde girl sat on the roof silently. Her lips moved as she noticed Kuu, but no sound came out.

"Oh, wonderful. More yuri fan service. For the love of God, the yuri fans will get it in another episode or so. And does the yuri have to be between two straight girls?"

There it was again. That mysterious noise… Was it coming from the girl?

"Are you going to keep gawking at me? Whatever, I'm out of here."

The girl left without a single word. Kuu finally got the idea to button up her shirt as she wondered about the girl. Who was she? She looked like a princess. And could she, gasp, have something to do with the mysterious disappearances?

* * *

**A/N**: Next time, the actual conclusion of episode one! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**

* * *

**

Disclaimer

: No own.

* * *

"You sure are hungry today, Setsuna," Kyoshiro commented as he kissed the blonde girl.

"Yes, that's exactly it," Setsuna replied weakly. "You know, because this is just how we Absolute Angels get food. It isn't as if we enjoy it or anything…"

"I see." Kyoshiro nodded when it was quite obvious that nothing could be farther from the truth.

Kuu gasped as she saw her prince, her beloved prince, kissing the other girl. Her prince already had a princess.

"How dare he betray me!" Kuu shrieked as she ran away. It seemed like she would be running a lot today.

"Was that the girl with the boobies?" Kyoshiro looked up.

"Maybe, it's not that important." Setsuna pulled him closer. "Now, come on, I, uh, need more food."

Kuu was starting to get tired. This was, what, her third time crossing campus for the day?

She froze as she saw a catgirl snogging Kozue at the top of the stairs.

"This is not good yuri fan service!" Kozue protested. "This is just rape!"

"Shut up, my pretty!" the catgirl screeched. "I fail to see how this is rape! Besides, you didn't complain when it was Himeko and Chikane! Now don't break the plot!"

As per the script, Kozue fainted because… her mana had been stolen… or something such nonsense…

"Yummy mana!" the catgirl chimed. "Now who will be my next victim?"

"No, not me!" Kuu screamed.

"How about you?"

"No!"

The catgirl jumped down the stairs and sidled up to Kuu. "Wow, that was easy…" She moved in for the kill… or the kiss… or whatever.

"What?" the catgirl suddenly froze. "What do you mean, this is the main character? This little wimp? Her name's not even in the title! I don't believe…"

Suddenly, the window shattered as the mysterious, silent bishoujo intervened, growing a giant robotic arm in the process. Surprise! This is a mecha anime! I'll bet you never saw that coming!

The catgirl and the princess engaged in an epic battle as all the mecha haters left to go watch something else. Much of the school was destroyed in their combat, but Setsuna _somehow_ managed to keep Kuu safe.

Then, as if he were something out of a fairy tale, Kyoshiro rode into the frayon a magnificent, white stallion, which he got from who-knows-where.

"Setsuna!" he called. "Take the girl with the boobies and let's get out of here!"

"Girl with the boobies? She has a name, I'm sure…" Setsuna grunted, but complied anyway.

"Rising Unicorn!" Kyoshiro exclaimed as Setsuna pulled Kuu onto the horse. On the same horse… as Ayanokoji-san! Kuu fainted with excitement.

* * *

"Rising Unicorn? I mean, really, Rising Unicorn? What the hell was that?!"

Kuu awoke to the strange noise. What could it be?

"I need to give her some mana."

"No! Er, I mean, that only works on Absolute Angels, doesn't it?"

Nonetheless, Kyoshiro bent over Kuu and kissed her.

She didn't stay conscious for very long.

* * *

**A/N**: One episode down, eleven to go…


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**: Now let's see if I can finish a second episode in some reasonable amount of time…

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora. Aren't you glad?

* * *

When Kuu awoke, she was wet… and naked… in the shower… with the perfect girl from before.

"Bloody fan service," Setsuna huffed. "Can't the yuri fans wait ten more minutes? Are they really that desperate? I mean, honestly, this one is obviously hopelessly infatuated with the moron in the other room whom she barely knows, and I… I'm straight too!"

"Your name is… Setsuna, right?" Kuu asked as she looked up at the silent girl.

"Oh, she's awake… and she actually knows my name! I wonder sometimes if Kyoshiro is so clever. But yes, my name is Setsuna ,and Kyoshiro told me to answer any questions you have. Must be a lot with this rushed, convoluted plotline. I hate to imagine what it would be like in a three-episode OVA. And who does Kyoshiro think he is? Ordering me this way and that…"

"Setsuna-san… Can I ask you a question?"

"What did I just say?"

"Are you and Ayanokoji-san lovers?"

"Me and Kyoshiro?" Setsuna laughed. "You're seriously asking about me and Kyoshiro? Of all the things to ask about? Like Rising Unicorn, that's what I'd like to know. Or where the horse came from. Or where you are now. But me and Kyoshiro? Of course not! I would never date that loser. Although…"

"So you are lovers?" Kuu asked.

"No."

"You're Ayanokoji-san's lover…"

"No, and I have no desire to be."

"You're the princess to his prince."

"No, I'm not."

"I thought he loved me!" Kuu sobbed.

"I don't have time for this," Setsuna sighed. "Look, you finish washing yourself. I assume you're capable of it. I have to go make dinner…"

* * *

**A/N**: Next time, some sweet yuri action! Finally!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

* * *

No one really knows why it was called Witch Academy. It wasn't a school for witches, after all. It was a school for yuri fangirls. The motto was: "We exist."

Class consisted of watching Strawberry Panic and (of course) Kannazuki no Miko, discussing the horrible American censorship of the true nature of Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune's relationship, and fawning over Mika-sama, the resident yuri goddess and cellist.

"Oh, Mika-sama…" "Would you like some more lemonade, Mika-sama?" "Mika-sama, could you make out with this random girl so I can take pictures and pull them out when I become depressed by the scarcity of good yuri in this miserable world?"

But two girls in the back of the room weren't taken in by it at all.

"Hey, Chika… I mean, Kaon-chan? This seems a bit silly, doesn't it?"

An awkward silence descended upon the crowd.

"Murakumo! Himiko! Get up here!"

The two girls trudged up to the stage.

"Himiko, you must be punished for your insolence! Five hours in solitary confinement!" Mika clapped her hands, and the kind, gentle epitome of moe was carried away. "Murakumo, are you hungry, by any chance?"

"Not particu—" Mika decided to feed Kaon anyway. The yuri fangirls couldn't help but marvel.

"You'll need it tonight. We need to try to convert that whiny main character to our side. The plot requires it to introduce us and give the audience a little more explanation. Besides, who doesn't want more yuri? Always remember: We exist!"

The other girls erupted into a chant of the school motto. Kaon groaned, roller her eyes, and went to find Kuu.

* * *

Meanwhile, it was an unfortunate day for those visiting the local swimming pool. Tarlotte was hungry and Sojiro, her caretaker-lover-slave-person-thingy, had driven her there for mana.

"You know, you could just take mana from me and spare all these people," Sojiro pointed out.

"I'm my own catgirl! Don't tell me what to do!" Tarlotte screamed. A pause. "Hey, Sojiro… Is there cake when we get home?"

"Why? You just ate."

"No, I… oh… right… But cake is yummy?" Tarlotte tried her best to look innocent.

"Fine," Sojiro sighed. "There will be cake."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note**: I think this is what happened next… First off, I'd like to thank the people who leave reviews. Brownies and lemonade for all of you! Secondly, hey, if anyone knows which episode it was that Kuu realized that no, the humans and Absolute Angels aren't lovers, it would be really helpful. Was it as early as the second one…?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

* * *

"Setsuna-san, why are we in the shower again?" Kuu asked, and rightfully so. Dinner hadn't been _that _messy.

"Because Kyoshiro likes us to be clean," Setsuna sighed. "Or so he thinks. Damn fan service…"

"Setsuna-san, what's fan service?"

"It's… never mind, if you don't already know, you won't understand."

"Setsuna-san, are you sure you and Ayanokoji-san aren't lovers?"

Setsuna turned the water off. "That's enough of this. Dry yourself off and get dressed. It would be awkward if—"

A giant mecha broke through the shower wall, grabbed Kuu, and took her away in the general direction of Witch Academy.

"Yes, it would be extremely awkward if that happened."

"Setsuna!" Kyoshiro ran into the room. "Setsuna, fight that other giant robot thingy! Save the girl with the boobies!"

"Kyoshiro!" Setsuna turned red and covered herself to the best of her ability with her hands. "Have you been there the whole time?! No, don't answer that, I want to be able to lie to myself about this… But I'm not going to have a mecha fight stark naked. Let me get dressed, and then we'll talk…"

Meanwhile, Murakumo flew further and further away with Kuu in hand.

Kuu woke up in a dark room that she didn't recognize. It was the second time that day that she had been kidnapped. It was also the second time that day that her shirt was unbuttoned and someone was staring at her breasts. The voyeur was a blonde girl with glasses this time, instead of her beloved prince Ayanokjoi-san. Kuu pulled away from the other girl, who seemed very embarrassed to have been caught.

"It's not what you think! I have someone else! I was just…" the girl whimpered.

"Oh, you were just helping me get dressed," Kuu smiled. "I understand. Thank you for your kindness! My name is Kuu!"

The girl stared blankly at Kuu, "I'm Himiko… You're welcome?"

"Oh, you're that Himeko that Kozue-chan mentioned!"

"No, I'm Himiko, spelled with an 'i,' instead of an 'e.' It's totally different. That's what the people who write this show tell themselves, anyway."

"Himeko?"

"Himiko."

"Do you know what Kozue-chan meant by the opening credits?"

"Yeah, I'm in the opening credits. So are you…"

Kuu made no response. Also, she had yet to button up her blouse.

"Are you really the main character?" Himiko asked, unwilling to believe so.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note**: Thanks for the help, guys! Here's an extra-long chapter!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora or Kannazuki no Miko or any of the other references I felt compelled to make.

* * *

Himiko sighed as she realized that, yes, the hopelessly naïve girl walking beside her was the main character, and that she, the mighty Princess of Yuri, had been delegated to a supporting role. She couldn't help but think that she had done a much better job. Ah, Kannazuki no Miko, the good old days, when yuri was given its proper place, front and center, and the protagonist's naïveté was kept within the bounds of cute. Or at least, Himiko hoped so. Kuu was pushing the limits and it was rather annoying.

"So," Himiko searched for a lighter subject of conversation, "what do you think of Witch Academy?"

"Witch Academy?" Kuu's eyes widened. "But where's your broomstick and your cauldron and your pointy hat and your black cat? Are you going to eat me?"

"Witches don't really— It's not a school for—Look, it was this or Meganekko Academy, and I wanted to be with Chika- Kaon-chan."

"Chikakaon-chan?"

"Kaon-chan, I mean, Murakumo. You're about to meet her."

* * *

"But Setsuna, the girl with the boobies!" Kyoshiro whined.

"Will wait," Setsuna picked up the phone. "Really, it takes two minutes to get to Witch Academy, and she's the main character, so they won't kill her or anything."

"Main character?" Kyoshiro did not comprehend.

"Just relax, you idiot," she dialed. "Hello? Sakura?... Oh, how are you?... Good!... Well, I've been better. I actually have a favor to ask of you… Remember that one card you captured and then you used it maybe once or twice, quite possibly never?... Oh, yes, I forgot, that _is _almost all of them, my apologies. I'm talking about The Lock, I need it for the bathroom door… Yes, the bathroom door, sadly. Privacy is hard to get around here… Thank you so much! Give my best to Syaoran! Bye!"

* * *

"Good evening," Kaon greeted Kuu. She stepped out of her bath, put a bathrobe on, and hoped that would be sufficient fan service for this episode. "Are you ready for me to try to explain what the hell is going on?"

"Um… yes, please?" It suddenly occurred to Kuu that she would very much like to know what was going on.

"Himiko, get the movie projector."

Despite all the advances in genetic engineering and such, the most high-tech video system available was an old-fashioned projector. Himiko spooled the black-and-white reel of film and played it for Kuu.

Kuu thought her retinas would never recover from the sight of a naked catgirl ripping people apart with invisible hands. Fortunately, she managed to repress it within five seconds.

"Oops, it's the first episode of Elfen Lied," Himiko blushed.

"I don't care what anyone says, it's still the most badass thing I've seen since the first Pokémon movie," Kaon smiled. "Anyway, it gets the point across. There are four beings known as Absolute Angels, genetically engineered ten years ago to be the ultimate weapons. The project may have misfired a bit and caused the Days of Burning Snow, but that's largely immaterial. Absolute Angels produce mecha from thin air as an extension of their bodies, thus eliminating the problem of mecha pilots instinctively knowing all the controls. See? This series does have some originality. No 'quick learners' in this anime!"

"Anime?" Kuu looked confused.

"I guess the 'no quick learners' part was rather obvious," Kaon sighed. "Either way, Absolute Angels are powered by a substance called mana. Mana is collected through contact with human lips that eerily resembles kissing." Sensing that a demonstration was required, Kaon swooned.

"Kaon-chan!" Himiko rushed forward and kissed her. Yuri, ooh, aah. After Himiko collapsed from her… mana exertion, Kaon gently laid her on a conveniently placed bench.

Kuu gasped. She now remembered hearing about this yuri from Kozue-chan and seeing some of the manga she kept, but she had never seen it in real life before. She immediately asked Kaon, "Are you lovers?"

"No," Kaon rolled her eyes. "Of _course_ we're not lovers. She was just 'giving me mana,' that's all. Jeez, what some of these humans believe…"

"You aren't lovers? You're not lovers?!" Tears filled Kuu's eyes. "Humans and Absolute Angels aren't lovers? But that's so sad! They aren't lovers?!"

"Um, sarcasm?" But it was too late for Kaon to console the main character.

"Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?! Not lovers?!"

Kaon shook her head and sighed as Setsuna landed with Kyoshiro in her mecha hand.

"Setsuna, the girl with the boobies, there she is!" Kyoshiro pointed.

"Kyoshiro, hush," Setsuna glared at him. "I never should have brought you along… Hey, Kaon-chan, that girl right there? Can we have her back?"

"Fine with me," Kaon shrugged. "She's a bit denser than I was expecting."

Thus a mecha battle was fought without a single blow being exchanged.

* * *

"Well, I hope everyone's satisfied," Setsuna huffed. "Fan service, mecha fights, something resembling an actual explanation, it's been a long day."

"Long day for nii-san?" Kyoshiro asked.

"Nii-san?" Kuu asked. "Ayanokoji-san has a nii-san?"

"Nii-san was the greatest man to ever live!" Kyoshiro declared.

"Brother Complex," Setsuna coughed.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Well, that should be the end of episode two…


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

* * *

Kuu had no idea where she was. Her charming prince had kidnapped her. She had no idea where she was. She had been pressed into yuri fan service. In the face of this perplexing predicament, she had an idea:

"I'll make breakfast for Ayanokoji-san!"

So Kuu took down all the pots and pans, decided to make waffles, and was actually surprised when the smoke alarm went off.

Kuu and Kyoshiro stared at the flames, admiring the effect of the combination of orange, gold, and blue, while Setsuna scoured the house for the fire extinguisher. Where had Kyoshiro hidden his pretty red cylinder…?

* * *

"I hope you learned your lesson," Setsuna huffed as she bathed Kuu. "No cooking for you. You did better than Kyoshiro, though. You only set half the kitchen on fire."

"Setsuna-san? Why is the shower curtain different?"

"I'm surprised you noticed."

"I don't like it, it's too dark…" Kuu whimpered.

"Why am I not surprised?" Setsuna sighed. "Damn fan service."

The bathroom door handle jiggled, but the Clow cards were a powerful magic. Setsuna rolled her eyes.

"Setsuna-san, do you _want _to be Ayanokoji-san's lover?"

Setsuna shook her head and sighed again.

* * *

Setsuna set about making breakfast. Kuu watched her work.

"Setsuna-san? The other Absolute Angel told me humans and Absolute Angels aren't lovers, but… Do you wish you were Ayanokoji-san's lover?"

Setsuna denied this.

* * *

Setsuna set about cleaning the house. Kuu watched her work.

"Setsuna-san? Do you wish you were Ayanokoji-san's lover?"

Setsuna denied this again.

* * *

Setsuna set about making lunch. Kuu watched her work.

"Setsuna-san? You want to be Ayanokoji-san's lover, don't you?"

Setsuna denied this once again.

* * *

Setsuna set about finishing the cleaning of the house. Kuu watched her work.

"Setsuna-san? Why don't you confess your love for Ayanokoji-san?"

Setsuna felt that if she had to deny this one more time, she was going to scream.

* * *

Setsuna set about making dinner. Kuu watched her work.

"Setsuna-san? Are you sure you're not in love with Ayanokoji-san?"

Setsuna had never felt so tempted to murder a human, and she freaking lived with Kyoshiro. How could this girl possibly be the main character?

* * *

"I'm taking the girl with the boobies to Bishounen Academy," Kyoshiro announced at the slightly singed dinner table.

"Bishounen Academy?!" Kuu was very excited (although no one could replace her oji-sama… or Ayanokoji-san…).

"Why?" Setsuna asked.

"Because the girl with the boobies needs to be safe," Kyoshiro explained.

"It's because you have no idea where this house is, isn't it?"

Kyoshiro said nothing.

"Oh my God, I was right… You really don't know where this house is. You're bringing her back to Bishie Academy because you at least know where it is…"

"I made plans with that one guy to bring her…" Kyoshiro tried to change the subject.

* * *

"Well, uh… We can't take her to Bishounen Academy," that one guy, also known as Jin Oogami, admitted. "It's an all-boys school."

Kuu and Kyoshiro drooped a bit, although Kuu had her Bishoujo Academy uniform to cheer her up. Kyoshiro, on the other hand, had managed to forget that he went to an all-boys school, and this news saddened him greatly.

"Well, the Morality Enforcement Squad, um… brought all this high-tech stuff…" Jin continued. "I'm not sure why… You're just riding a horse through a bunch of ruins until you get there… Good luck…"

"Come, my stallion!" Kyoshiro called.

The white horse was suddenly by his side.

"How did…" Jin was pushed off-screen by Kyoshiro before he could finish.

"Come, let us ride!" Kyoshiro proclaimed.

"Ayanokoji-san!" Kuu allowed a fangirl scream to escape her as she sat behind Kyoshiro.

Kuu was unconscious for the larger part of the journey, due to how close she was to her object of desire. When she awoke, she was surrounded by the ruins of a school destroyed long ago… or yesterday. It might have been her old school. She couldn't tell; it was too destroyed.

"I will eat you!" a squeaky voice said above them.

Kuu looked up and screamed in terror. It was the scary catgirl who attacked… what was her name? Started with a "k"… Kozue, that was right, the scary catgirl attacked Kozue!

"I will eat you, and I will eat you with cake!" Tarlotte continued. "I bet you would be yummy with cake! Cake is yummy!" She activated Batraz.

"Don't worry, I will protect you!" Kyoshiro assured Kuu.

At that precise moment, the ground beneath them gave way and they fell into the abyss (except the horse, whose bridle and saddle were caught on an illogically-yet-conveniently-placed tree branch.

"Ayanokoji-san!" Kuu screamed. "Ayanokoji-san!"

"Well, maybe later…" Tarlotte decided.

Meanwhile, Kuu continued to scream, "Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san!!!"

* * *

**Author's Note**: Wow… Was that episode 3? It feels short for a whole episode…


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

* * *

Kuu continued to scream, "Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san!!!"

Ayanokoji-san made no reply.

"Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san! Ayanokoji-san!!!" Kuu tried again.

"Ow…" Kyoshiro muttered. "That huuurt…"

"Ayanokoji-san!" Kuu cheered. Ayanokoji-san was alive! He was alive! But he must need medical attention! Still, Kuu would never allow her lack of medical training to interfere with true love. She moved Kyoshiro across the room to a dust-covered bed, and tore off pieces of her skirt to make bandages.

Kyoshiro, who would have been a goner if he had been badly injured, appreciated Kuu's choice of bandages. Not only did she have boobies, she had thighs too…

"Ayanokoji-san, please be all right!" Kuu wept. Kyoshiro was fine. If he weren't, with Kuu's medical attention, he would have been a goner for sure.

"Nii-san…" Kyoshiro muttered.

"Ayanokoji-san!" Kuu embraced her injured prince. "Ayanokoji-san!"

Yes, Kyoshiro would be all right. He was the title character, after all, and couldn't possibly die in the fourth episode.

As it was, Kyoshiro was lying on an old cot, while Kuu sat at his side in her torn Bishoujo Academy uniform. An uncomfortable silence lingered.

"So… Is Ayanokoji-san's nii-san an important person to him?" Kuu asked.

"Nii-san is the greatest!" Kyoshiro proclaimed. "I want to be just like nii-san!"

"I have someone like that too…" Kuu thought of her imaginary oji-sama. Oji-sama… Kyoshiro continued to speak of his nii-san, but Kuu was beyond the ability to hear.

"…and nii-san would always share his bed with me at night! Oh, yeah, and he saved the world!"

"Hmm?" Saving the world was an accomplishment worthy of Kuu's attention, even over oji-sama.

"Nii-san helped create the Absolute Angels, but they tried to start the Days of Burning Snow, and he stopped them! And they almost got me, but he pushed me out of the way! It was all heroic and stuff, even though it kinda hurt…"

"I want to meet Ayanokoji-san's nii-san!" Kuu declared. The silence returned for about an hour.

"So…" Kuu started again.

A loud noise interrupted her before she could even decide what she wanted to say. Kyoshiro betrayed himself by jumping out of bed. Kuu leaped to her feet. Suspenseful music began to play. Someone had entered the ruins of the school.

* * *

While Kyoshiro was being treated by a teenage girl with no medical experience whatsoever (and having the time of his life watching her too), the white horse was left dangling from his reins on that mysterious branch that had no business growing on the wall of a crevice (and having a generally crappy time). He could struggle, but he could never get loose. He could call out but the vacant-eyed humans would never take notice of him.

Suddenly, a strange man appeared. He was the tallest man the horse had ever seen. The man pulled out a knife and cut the horse's reigns. He was free! He was free!

"Go back from whence you came, little horse," the man said.

The horse suddenly faded away into nothingness, never to be seen or heard of ever again.

Sojiro shrugged his shoulders and resumed his search for Tarlotte.

* * *

"Ayanokoji-san, are you sure you're all right?" Kuu asked, being sensible for probably the first time in her life.

Kyoshiro didn't reply, but he vaguely resembled oji-sama, so Kuu decided that he must have recovered.

* * *

"There she is," Sojiro stumbled upon a sleeping Tarlotte. "Jeez, Tarlotte, you had me worried."

She was resting by a waterfall. What the hell was a waterfall doing in the ruins of a school? Maybe it was a busted pipe. Yeah, that was probably it… Then it was best to get away from the busted pipe in all its bacterial glory…

"You!" Sojiro winced as he recognized the voice. It was that idiot younger brother of his…

"What are you doing here, nii-san?" Kyoshiro asked.

"This big, burly man is Ayanokoji-san's nii-san?" Kuu asked.

"This is my other nii-san," Kyoshiro continued to glare at Sojiro. "He doesn't deserve to be called nii-san! He's a criminal!"

Sojiro sighed. "And what exactly did I do?"

"You turned into a criminal!"

"And how did I do that?"

"…I don't know, but you did!"

"It's really just because I bear an eerie resemblance to that one perverted guy from Kannazuki no Miko, isn't it?" Sojiro shook his head. "Whose bright idea was it to make me look like him? We're nothing alike! And I have to wonder if I'm even part of this damn family. I don't look like any of you, and I certainly don't act like any of you. God… Well, we should be off. I wish I could say it was nice seeing you."

"Don't move!" Kyoshiro pulled a sword out of nowhere.

Sojiro just knocked the sword out of Kyoshiro's hand. "I said we should be off."

Being cornered (kind of), Kyoshiro reached into his pocket, pulled out a cell phone, and dialed.

* * *

Setsuna was having a nice, quiet morning all to herself. Then the stupid phone had to ring.

"Hello?"

"We're at a school and we don't know where, and there's an Absolute Angel and my criminal brother here, and they're going to hurt us! Come pick us up!"

Setsuna sighed and hung up. Kyoshiro… She would have left him to die if she were allowed to. Honestly, he needed to be removed from the gene pool as quickly as possible. She put on her apron and her bells and set out for the ruined school.

"There's no rules against the castration of the title character," Setsuna considered. Maybe some other time…

* * *

"Because it is my mission to destroy the Absolute Angels!" Kyoshiro proclaimed. "They killed nii-san, so I must destroy them!"

Kuu listened to her Ayanokoji-san with horror. He wanted to destroy them?

"They're human, you know," Sojiro pointed out. "Humans with magic mecha powers, but you know what I mean you idiot!"

"You won't be lovers?!" Kuu began to tear up. "You won't be lovers?!"

Kyoshiro wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

"What about Setsuna-san?" Kuu asked.

"She knows, she's helping and then she'll let me destroy her too."

"Because she knows she can take you any day," Sojiro muttered.

Kuu began to weep. "You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?!"

Setsuna groaned as she arrived on the scene. Kuu was crying again.

"You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?! You won't be lovers?!"

"Dear God…" She waved to Sojiro. "Hey, Sojiro, how's it going?"

"Been better, been worse."

"I'll take these two out of here and let you get on your way. Tell Tarlotte-chan I said hello when she wakes up."

Sojiro thanked her as she carried the main characters away in her robotic arms.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Ah, this took a long time, but it's a long chapter, so… yeah… Damn, there's only about a week of summer left, which translates to less writing time, and that saddens me. Poor Sojiro… He's the caring, kind-hearted one in his family and they made him look like Girochi…


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora.

* * *

Once again, Kuu was in that mysterious house in an undisclosed location. It was a bit of a troubling situation. She thought about what action she should take next…

"I think I'll call… I'll call…" Kuu realized that she could not remember her best friend's name. "It began with a 'k,' I think… Kyoshiro? No… That's Ayanokoji-san… Kaon? No… Kanna? No… Korona? No… Kozue! It was Kozue-chan!"

Kuu picked up the phone and called Kozue.

"Hello?" A strange voice answered. "Who is it? Do you want Kozue? She's hogging the bathroom right now."

Kuu said nothing. If Kozue came and took her back to school…

"Wait!" Kozue's voice screamed in the background. "Give me the phone! It might be Kuu! Please, this could be my one chance to become a major character! Please!"

…then she wouldn't be with Ayanokoji-san anymore.

"Kuu! Kuu! Is that you on the other end! Come on! Say something! Tell me where you are! Or who you're with! Or if you're in trouble! Tell me about your freaking sexual fantasies about the prince, at least! Anything! If you don't, I'll have gotten raped by that catgirl for nothing! Plea—!"

Kuu hung up.

She thought very hard about what she should do next.

"I know!" Kuu came up with the perfect plan. "I'll invite Ayanokoji-san to dance with me at the School Festival! Then we'll be destined to be together, and we'll get married and have 2.5 perfect children and live happily ever after into our golden years!"

It was really quite the plan.

To ensure success, Kuu had to make the most spectacular invitation ever. She searched the house for every bottle of glue, scrap of lace, and box of markers that could be found.

"What is she doing?" Setsuna wondered as Kuu went through all the kitchen cupboards. Since she needed to vacuum that part of the house anyway, she followed Kuu in order to observe her behavior.

"I'll make it pretty with lots of different colors and lots of lace and I'll draw hearts all over it and it'll say 'Ayanokoji-san, I love you, will you go to the School Festival with me?'!" Kuu said to herself as she worked.

The final result was a hodgepodge of clashing colors adorned with crumpled lace, blotches that vaguely resembled hearts, and visible clumps of glue. It was fairly hideous, to be honest. But Kuu was blinded to that and just _knew _it would win Ayanokoji-san's heart.

Suddenly, a hand swiped the (extremely debatable) masterpiece from the desk. Kuu gaped as it fluttered to the floor where a foot just happened to fall on it.

"Oops, an accident. My bad," a rather insincere Setsuna explained. "I'll just put it in the wastebasket." She was sure to rip it in half too.

"It was… an accident? Well, as long as it was an accident, it's okay, I'll just make another one! Thanks for throwing it out for me, Setsuna-san!"

Setsuna stared at Kuu. That girl had missed the sarcasm entirely… Incredible…


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note**: It's been a while, hasn't it? Ugh, I have the English teacher from hell, so much less writing time…

**Disclaimer**: No own.

* * *

"I'm off to the store!" Setsuna called. "Even though I just went yesterday! Because _somebody_ used all the glue and all the construction paper! Anyway, try not to get yourselves killed while I'm gone! I might be held responsible! Stay out of the kitchen! Don't run with scissors! Don't… oh, whatever, why am I bothering?"

But she didn't make her exit quickly enough.

"Setsuna-san, can I go to the store with you?" Kuu was suddenly by Setsuna's side.

"Let's go together!" Kyoshiro appeared behind Kuu.

"Fine…" Setsuna sighed.

Meanwhile, at Witch Academy, the majority of the yuri fangirls were watching a heated dispute.

"I don't want to," Kaon said.

"But think of the yuri!" Mika placed her hand on Kaon's shoulder.

"For the love of God, it's hardly even yuri! I swear, if I have to watch the Elfen Lied OVA one more time, I'm going to scream. The main series is so much better.

Behind a crowd of random background characters, Himiko smiled and nodded.

"Fine," Mika sighed. "Then how about kidnapping the main character and advancing the plot?"

"Never again. She is the most obnoxious girl I have ever met."

"More obnoxious than Himiko?"

"Hey!" Himiko shouted. Everyone but Kaon ignored her.

"Himiko isn't obnoxious. She's cute. Kuu Shiatori is obnoxious."

"Fine," Mika sighed. "Want something to eat?"

"Not really hungry, maybe if it were Himiko…"

Gasps went up around the room. Murakumo had rejected Mika-sama! Someone had rejected Mika-sama!

"You!" Mika screamed. "You have become too independent! I will make you mine again, and only mine! Someone ready the Plot Device!"

Kaon sighed and decided once again to be the villain for the greater good.

Academia was still a city consisting entirely of high schools, so the "store" was actually Market Academy. At Market Academy, the curriculum was designed to promote honesty and integrity in business. Yeah, right… A "shocking" number of Market Academy graduates would go on to become corrupt CEO's and orchestrators of Ponzi schemes, but for now…

"Five dollars for a packet of construction paper?! This is outrageous!" Setsuna proclaimed. "Kuu, I hope you had fun making that card, because that's the last construction paper you're using for a while."

But Kuu was paying no attention. She had found a pretty brooch in the shape of a white horse.

"Pretty horse…" she muttered.

Kyoshiro stood behind her. "Pretty… Want it?"

"YES, AYANOKOJI-SAN!!!!" Kuu shrieked.

"Let's not get carried away," Sestuna said, hands over ears. "If we buy that little trinket, we won't have money to eat for a week!"

"But Setsuna-san…" Kuu whimpered. Kyoshiro joined her in making a sad face.

"Fine, you idiots, but you're the ones who aren't eating next week," Setsuna huffed.

"Kaon-chan, you forgot your earring!" Himiko called. "Without it, you look just like a certain miko! Come on, weren't we trying to get away from all the yuri fangirls?"

Kaon snatched the earring away and whispered, "Hey, Himiko, I'm trying to pretend to be brainwashed. If you could pretend to be upset over my cruelty…"

"Oh…" Himiko nodded, then ran away with tears fogging her glasses.


End file.
